As someone who deeply desires to be a mom, Fridays can be tough on me. I guess that is because Fridays always seemed so magical to me as a child. Fridays meant sleepovers with friends, junk food, pizza, popcorn, the TGIF line up on ABC, movies, staying up late, giggling, football, fun and so much more. You can often find me at some point on a Friday wandering the isles of Wal Mart or the grocery store with a cart full of chips, cookies, brownie mix, soda and goodies, all the while reminiscing about all of my fun childhood Friday nights. When you see children with their parents, it is almost electric; that renewed energy you find now that the work and school week are over and you have two and a half days of rest and relaxation. Responsibilities are gone and you can just let loose, be silly and have fun.
Fall Fridays are especially tough. Now you add in the Pumpkin Patch, hayrides, bonfires, fairs, fall festivals, hot chocolate, pumpkin carvings and on and on. Jason and I do our best to participate in all that we can, make our own traditions and memories, and enjoy the season. But let's be honest, there is only so much we can do. We love the Pumpkin Patch, but it is a little odd for us to be there not having a child. This is just once example of many. Most times we don't mind being the creepy old couple doing things that we enjoy, but sometimes it just gets to us.
I long to have brownies made on Friday afternoons as my child/children come home from school. I long for pizza parties and sleepovers. I can't wait to have a car load of kids loaded up and headed skating, to the movies, bowling, anywhere! My childhood was magical in my mind. My mom was good at the fun Friday stuff. I had friends that we were always together on the weekends. As I got older, that turned into high school football and cheerleading. I long to help my son or daughter get ready for their games, whatever they may be doing. I just know that I will be good at the fun Friday stuff too and seeing it going on all around me is such a bittersweet thing. I am happy to see the wonder and excitement on the faces of children and know that Fridays are special in their hearts and minds too. But my heart breaks and aches a little too. It longs for those Fridays that I haven't had yet. Those Fridays where I chase my toddler through piles of leaves, those Fridays where we stay up late to watch silly movies, those Fridays where we eat pizza, popcorn and junk food until we can't anymore. I know parenthood is so much more than just Friday nights. It's 24/7 hard work, the best full time job we can ever have. I just sometimes cannot wait to be hired!!
Happy Fall Friday Y'all!!
Amanda, I read your blog entries tonight. I think that it's wonderful that you are willing to share your life with others through blogging. There was a time in my life that I stumbled on a ladies blog, and it helped me immensely! I tried to thank her, but words didn't seem adequate. Her thoughts, were as if I had written them myself. Suddenly I didn't feel alone or crazy. It was helpful to know that someone out there was feeling or had felt just like me. I remember thinking that maybe I was normal after all. :) Writing was very therapeutic for me...as is running. I have found that the Lord is the healer of the broken hearted.
ReplyDeleteI believe the desires of your heart will be fulfilled, and you are going to be an awesome mom <3
~Julia Davis