Today, I was dealt a very personal blow in a very professional setting. As I have said before, I will not go into details about cases and work, so I will attempt to get this out the best I can without revealing too much.
Trial was set for today in a very hotly contested custody matter. As with any case involving children, emotions have been high, as well as tension. While on the way to court I am sent a notice that the other side of the case posted something very personal about me on Facebook. The post stated something to the effect that since I was trying to help take the children away from this parent, God was punishing me by not allowing me to have my own children, causing the miscarriages I have had. This person called out to their Facebook audience to pray for me and that I needed forgiveness.
While I did my best to maintain my composure, on the inside, my heart broke. As an attorney and a person who deals with the public, I have a thick skin. I expect opposing sides of a case not to like me, to call me names, and even be angry and hold some sort of grudge. Such is the adversarial nature of my profession. As a municipal judge, I issue rulings that people are most often not happy with. I could not do these things if I was not confident in my decisions and prepared to stand behind them. In short, I am prepared for a certain amount of resistance, negativity, and scrutiny. But in seven years of practicing law, I have never had someone hit this low.
The thing that should be noted about this specific matter is that my client was not trying to prevent the other parent from seeing, having access to, or being involved with the children. I don't feel comfortable saying too much more, but I can assure you this was not your typical custody battle.
As I thought about the hurtful words, meant to burn and sting, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit wash over me. My God was saying to me "Child, you are loved. You have done nothing wrong in this situation or to cause a miscarriage of previous pregnancies. I have wonderful and amazing plans for you. Trust in My timing. You know Me and the love and protection I surround you with. Don't let the hurt of others destroy the amazing faith you have in Me. I am here for you, just as I have been all along. My child, you are loved!"
While what was written hurts, I am not mad. I am sad for the person. I am sad that this misguided attempt to hurt me and make themselves feel better took such a negative route. I have prayed for this person throughout the day and I now ask that you do too. I pray that this person learn that God doesn't punish us in the way they referenced. I pray that they learn of the love, grace, and forgiveness that my Saviour has shown me. I pray that the Lord will heal their hurt, just as He has healed mine after each pregnancy loss, after each heartbreak. I pray that God will bless this person in the days, weeks, months and years to come. I pray that their story can be one of faith, commitment to God and surrender to His will for their life, just as I strive for my life to be.
I beat myself up for a while about being too open with what is going on in my life. Any of you who know me know that for the most part, I am an open book. Good, bad or indifferent, my life is an open book for those who care enough to get to know me. My life is my testimony. If I don't share what is going in my life and how God is working in me, through me and on me, how will others know what and amazing God we serve? I'm going to have to spend some time in careful prayer and consideration about having personal information out their. So if I seem a bit more reserved, you will know why.
Lastly, I am very thankful for fellow attorneys who worked with me on the case. The situation was handled with the utmost grace and dignity. The comment was removed and we proceeded with the task at hand, ultimately concluding the case today. No mud was slung and no further damage done to this family in desperate need of healing. My colleagues are to be commended and a heart felt "Thank You" from me for the professional and kind manner that all was handled in today.
While my heart may hurt a little today, I KNOW WHO HEALS THESE HURTS AND I HAVE FULL FAITH IN HIM!! Do you?
